My Maui and the sun writing

Purpose: to rewrite the story of Maui in a way that entertains my reader

Long, long ago  in a little village in space there were four girls named Sareta,Mysteeq,Ces and Rylee.They had nothing to do because of the sun.It  was moving so fast they could only have breakfast and then go to bed.So one day Sareta had enough she got up off the chair and said”guys can you believe this the sun is moving 10 times faster than a leopard”and we said”yea we should go and catch it and track it down so it can go 10 times slower than a snail”.They went to make some ropes made out of glass, flax and paper.They were working for 5 days because the sun was going too fast. Then Sareta said “When we are finished we can go and make the sun  go slower”and  kept and kept working.When the flaxs were ready they traveled all the way to the other side of the city.Finally they got there.As they were going to cover they felt something rumbling and it was the sun.Ces was very scared she had never been in that stuff before so Ces just stayed silent.As the sun rose up and Sareta shouted “now”so they got up and threw the ropes made out of glass and they held it till the sun was tired and finaly he was.He was weak and tired then the sun went slower and slower and then they lived happly ever after.

I wanted the sun to go slow because there were not enough time to  do anything not even eating half of your breakfast and that is why i wanted the sun to go slow

Feedback

Rylee-You were good at describing how fast the sun was moving and using really undercover words like track it down and all.I also liked the interesting words you wrote like rumbling and the other interesting words you did wow mysteeq.    

I think you were good at using interesting information about what was normally happening in your story

You done well using the purpose because you described what your mission was