My Maui and the sun writing

Purpose: to rewrite the story of Maui in a way that entertains my reader

Long, long ago  in a little village in space there were four girls named Sareta,Mysteeq,Ces and Rylee.They had nothing to do because of the sun.It  was moving so fast they could only have breakfast and then go to bed.So one day Sareta had enough she got up off the chair and said”guys can you believe this the sun is moving 10 times faster than a leopard”and we said”yea we should go and catch it and track it down so it can go 10 times slower than a snail”.They went to make some ropes made out of glass, flax and paper.They were working for 5 days because the sun was going too fast. Then Sareta said “When we are finished we can go and make the sun  go slower”and  kept and kept working.When the flaxs were ready they traveled all the way to the other side of the city.Finally they got there.As they were going to cover they felt something rumbling and it was the sun.Ces was very scared she had never been in that stuff before so Ces just stayed silent.As the sun rose up and Sareta shouted “now”so they got up and threw the ropes made out of glass and they held it till the sun was tired and finaly he was.He was weak and tired then the sun went slower and slower and then they lived happly ever after.

I wanted the sun to go slow because there were not enough time to  do anything not even eating half of your breakfast and that is why i wanted the sun to go slow

Feedback

Rylee-You were good at describing how fast the sun was moving and using really undercover words like track it down and all.I also liked the interesting words you wrote like rumbling and the other interesting words you did wow mysteeq.    

I think you were good at using interesting information about what was normally happening in your story

You done well using the purpose because you described what your mission was

My Swimming Learning Story

purpose:safe in the water

Have you ever been swimming?

If you have than you would know what it is like and you will know what kind of stuff we do!

It was hard when we had our first swimming lesson because we didn't know what to do and it was difficult.When we hopped in Paul told us to swim a whole length with any freestyle moves you have and if you stop you have to stay there and keep swimming. I made it to the end and Prestigious as well.  We had good fun in the pool. We had to do freestyle. We had to run to the other side then we had  get out of the pool and that was the first swimming lesson.

I was good at swimming with my rocking arms and I swam the whole length without stopping and backstroke as well.

I was saw someone  else doing good and that was Prestigious because she was the only one that was amazing. That is what Paul said as well.

MY special name

Do you like your name?

I’m going to explain what my name is and who gave me it and what it means.

Remember a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

I’m named after there's three girls called mysteeq there were my mums favorite girl group and that is why she named me that name.I  like very much cause i’m named after someone talented they are very good at singing and they have very nice voices when they sing.

I really like my name because my parents named me and it's very good name to me but some people might not like it but that's doesn't bother me that match because my name is mine and no one can take it away from me.

People might tease me and mock my name but it won't matter because I still have my name with me.If you changed your name would you me sad? I hope you don't change your name.

I really really hope you still have your name with you and don’t change it…

Feedback

Prestigious:I like all your punctuation I think your next steps are to use full stops and capital letters.

Isabel:Good work Mysteeq i like the way you said my mum named me after a  girl group that made me laugh good work anyways keep the great work up.